Movies to Watch This Fall

There’s nothing better on a rainy Fall afternoon than to mozy to the cinema and watch a film. While Summer blockbusters are great to beat the heat, I like something a little more intimate in the Fall – like I suppose every other movie fan in the country. Anyway, here are my picks for this season.

1. Never Let Me Go – Based on the novel Time Magazine lauded as the best novel of the decade, this is the story of three friends who await a fate possibly worse than death – the harvesting of their organs for transplants. They are doners and carers, the clones of which modern science rely upon to save us. And they are growing up and falling in love… Look for Carey Mulligan and Keira Knightly to provide some great performances!

2. The Social Network – It’s written by Aaron Sorkin, the creater of Sports Night, The West Wing and Studio 60, all of which rank as some of my favorite television shows. It’s also about Facebook. So it’ll be one of those movies everyone talks about, but likely it will also be very very good.

3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: The franchise that many of us found as young kids or teens is finally coming to a close and finally the studios are planning on spending the time needed to fully develop all the storylines and all the characters. And as we know, Neville kicks some ass at the Battle of Hogwarts, something I am personally thrilled to see. Just bring your cleanex. It’s sad. But you knew that because you read the book.

4. The King’s Speech – It’s about George VI’s stutter and his struggle to overcome it. But the cast alone make it worth watching – Colin Firth, Geoffory Rush and Helena Bonham Carter. It seems like a dream come true, a thinking film with great actors!

Five Things To Do This Fall

This week marked the start of Fall, one of my favorite seasons of all time. The leaves start to change color and the air turns brisk and colder. Blazers, scarves and fashionable hats begin to make their way into everyday wear. Holidays such as my birthday, Halloween and Thanksgiving bring friends and family together. So without further ado, here are the ten things you need to do this fall.

1. Go pumpkin picking! As a child, every year we would pack into the family station wagon and drive to a roadside market to pick our pumpkins. My sister and I would carefully examine every orange sphere, measuring the stem and the size and shape of the gord. We’d then go home and our dad would scoop the seeds out and we would carve the face of a friendly spector. It’s still fun to do, even these days. There’s nothing more fun then taking a trip to the Carrot Barn or any of the other local pick your owns and then go home and put your artistic skills to the test.

2. Watch football with friends. Yes, now that it’s getting cooler, make some chili and invite the people you love over to watch the big game. What better way to spend a lazy sunday than with a beer and a bowl of chili with your best friends? And if the game is good, then things are perfect.

3. It might be a few degrees cooler than it was a few months ago, but there’s still plenty of time to pack a picnic lunch and take to the parks. Just wear a nice tweed blazer and a cute wool flapper style hat.

4. Oktoberfest! Yes, there’s the celebration on 10/2 at Wolffe’s Beergarden, but you can grab your favorite brats and beer and have octoberfest at any time. However, the beer tents on Broadway seem way better than anything I could put together. I may like to eat, but I can’t cook.

5. My favorite thing about fall is the great fruit we get in upstate NY, specifically apples. So go apple picking and bake a pie. You can bribe your friends to do all sorts of things with the promise delicious pie.

Thursday Night Must See TV

Last week was the FX Thursday night premiere week, much to my delight. And while It’s Always Sunny… was a big letdown, the boys on The League delivered big time. Last year I watched the show on a lark, because I wasn’t tired after all my usual Thursday night comedies were over. Instantly I fell in love with the big goofballs that played fantasy football with an intensity that rivaled my love of Star Trek, coffee, and the perfect strapless dress. If Sex and the City is the show about women and sexuality, than The League is the male equivilant. Sometimes it’s endearing, sometimes it’s raunchy or disgusting and sometimes it shows that men can be complete and total idiots.

Last year Andre won the Shiva, the trophy of the league. This year he’s the champion and still taking the shit his best friends give him. Kevin and Jenny are still happily married, but she wants to have her own team. Taco is still poor and Ruxin still the caustic yet hilarious guy. They go to Vegas for their draft, and along with Chad Ochocinco, hilarity and “rosterbation” ensues.

But the best part of the show is Jenny and her husband Kevin. He’s the league commisioner, but she runs his team. And like all good men, there’s an even more fabulous woman behind him. Watching their back and forth is rather funny, and even if it seems mean-spirited, Kevin is still the guy who has more fun with his wife. And Jenny, well, she’s the one character that has it all together. She knows the game better than everyone, has a good job and raises their lovely yet curious daughter.

So if you like football and comedy, give it a chance. I think it’s hilarious. And perhaps a better representation of my life.

AFRA: What coffee should I drink?

Dear Ellie,

I want to drink coffee, but I am afraid to try. What should I get?

Thanks,

Diet Soda Drinker

Dear DSD,

Please stop drinking diet soda. There are a million reasons to stop, and the first is that studies show that despite drinking diet soda, the body will still find a way to acquire sugar. People who drink diet soda tend to be heavier than people who limit their regular soda intake. Also, those chemicals may seem safe, but are they really? Also, for some imitation sugar can give them migraines (I’m one such person). Is that something you really want to put in your body? Not me. Sorry.

I live in a world where three ventis a day is considered healthy, even though it’s probably not. So I’m a little shocked you haven’t drank coffee yet. Nonetheless, let me tell you a few things about it.

First, determine if you are a cold thirst or hot thirst sort of person. I have cold thirst and rarely, except on days in which I am cold, drink the hot stuff. But if I do, then it’s either a hot mocha or a light and sweet from Dunkin Donuts.

Now iced coffee is another matter entirely. My favorite is the sugar cookie coffee from Flavor Cafe in Troy. However, sometimes I just want an iced venti with a splash of cream from Starbucks. But lately two creations of mine have taken the cake. The first is an iced coffee from Uncommon Grounds, with a flavor shot of amaretto. The second is a cinnamon iced latte from Dunkin Donuts.

So that’s what I drink. You’ll probably like something.

Making it Seem New

A few days ago, one of my friends lamented that she and her boyfriend did the same thing every night, went to the same places and did the same things. A part of me envied her structured routine as I’m someone who, despite not making life plans, likes structure to her life, likes a good schedule. I think, however, that it went a bit further than that – she felt as if her presence was being taken advantage of. It was assumed she would cook dinner, then they’d go out to the same place to meet their coupled friends and at home once more there’d be some sexy time. Every relationship I’ve been in has developed its own routines; we as a species develop habits and tendancies so there’s no denying it.

But what I find works is, as relationship therapists would say, making things seem new. But it goes a good deal further – its making your partner feel appreciated. If she’s having a bad day, surprise her with a bottle of wine in the fridge when she comes home. If you have to cancel lunch plans due to work, then take her out to dinner that night. If he’s having a tough day at work, and you’ve got the means, bring him lunch. When marketing for dinner, grab him his favorite sweet. When you mess up, admit it and make ammends.

A good friend of mine had a situation in which she and her partner overslept, completely ignoring his alarm clock because he accidently turned it off, on a day in which she had to go to work early. Luckily she only over slept by about 30 minutes, and wasn’t late to work. While she frantically got ready for her day, he went to make her coffee and something portable for breakfast as a peace offering. It was his way of saying that he was sorry and wanted to make up for his mistake. When she told her friends, they sighed wistfully, wishing that they could go back to that new him with their partners.

It’s really just about thoughtfulness. And just because you’ve been with someone for months or days doesn’t mean you stop being thoughtful, stop trying to woo him or her. Relationships need that sense of excitement, even after years. My mother consistently surprises my father with day trips to NYC to eat at some of his favorite steakhouses and my father will do little, but thoughtful things for my mother, like calling to have her car serviced before she even realizes it needs to be done or driving her to Albany on a moments notice to visit me and my sister. When an injury acts up, he makes a point to do all the heavy lifting before she decides its on her to-do list. My parents have been together for over thirty years, and they still manage to do fun and exciting things to break up the routine of every day life.

Who ever said relationships were easy was a fool. Being single is the easy thing, relationships require work and thought. Ah, but what rewarding work it is!

Simplifying

I cancelled my digital cable. Time Warner accidently also cancelled my high speed internet. And you know what? I’m okay with this. Now you might be surprised at this – I’m a blogger after all and the resident linux girl of all the Albany D-listers. Shouldn’t I always want to be plugged in and tuned out?

I used to be online all the time. Growing up, my friends were found on irc and the internet message boards despite many of them living mere blocks away from me. And over the years I’ve amassed some great friendships over national lines primarily because of facebook or livejournal. I keep up with the people I like from high school and feel little anger at not being invited to my Ten Year Reunion. Everyone I like I can easily speak with. The whole reason why I want a blackberry is to keep up with my social media tools, and in that, keep up with my friends who use it as a means to communicate.

But I am glad I don’t have the internet anymore and I’m thrilled I’ve ditched my digital cable. First off, I still have all the channels I watch anyway – my apartment complex gives us Extended Basic for free. Without the distractions of tv and the internet, I’ve been able to actually accomplish things. I read; finished two fabulous books! I actually clean; my tub is no longer a shady color of yellow. I go out, do things, see the world. I feed my coffee addiction.

Going to a coffee shop with the express intent to accomplish writing something helps motivate – no time to waste on facebook or twitter. Yes, I check them, but I limit my time on them so I can do more creative things, like write this blog. It’s sort of like going to the library, but with delicious pastry and caffeine. And how can you go wrong with coffee?

Tangent: I don’t trust people who don’t drink coffee. And anyone who tells you three ventis a day is unhealthy is just a liar.

But back to my point, not having a ton of distractions is a great way to live. And it’s cheaper too – plenty of money to spend on my vices like coffee and a great cocktail. And veggie sushi. I mean, come on, these were things I was going to spend my money on anyway.

The Future?!

While sitting in a coffee shop chugging sugar cookie iced coffee, I glanced over to the table next to me just to see what was going on. Four women sat around bowls of what must have been yummy soup and iced coffee drinks, chatting about their kids who went off to college. Each represented their own Sex and the City Mom persona. There was the woman with the great silver bob, dressed in elegant black slacks, a fushia cardigan and black diabetic socks. There was the younger mom, blonde hair messily pulled back into a pony tail proudly rocking out the NYU hoodie. Another wore a boiled wool sweater and looked like something straight out of a J Jill catalogue. But what they had in common was that they all sent kids off to school and they weren’t totally sure what exactly they should do with themselves.

My mom went through this too. She got a tattoo with my sister to try and figure things out. For so long, my mother – and these mothers too – dedicated their time to their children. But you know what? She was a fabulous mom. Like, the best. I know she drives me nuts, and she might be irrational about caring for her daughters, but my mom was one of the best parents of all time. The reason why: she was completely and totally dedicated to her children. Parenting wasn’t a calling or a full time job; it was two full time jobs, a passion and a lifestyle all rolled into one.

At nearly thirty, my doctor points to his watch every yearly check up. It’s true: after thirty things start to go wrong when you try to have kids. So I get it. I also feel no pressure to drop a squat and start popping kids out.  And maybe that’s because just recently I started identifying as an adult, started making the sacrifices and choices adults make. Or maybe that’s because I want to be further along with my career. Or perhaps because I believe that child raising demands two parents and I just am not there yet.

You see, I’ve never been one of those women with five and ten year plans. I’d much rather enjoy the ride and see what happens. That isn’t to say I don’t have goals or desires. I’d love to rise through the ranks, and have that great relationship. These are things I work for daily. And yet a part of me would love to have a few kids and a gigantic non-working farm. (Well, all of me wants a farm.) You see, there are two dreams. The first is to have the great career in which I command staff daily and make a big difference. The second is I get to work from home writing and doing the things I’d like to do anyway, like having a vegetable garden and chickens.

And yet for as much as I say I am unconcerned with having children, the stories those mothers were telling were important to them. And I sort of hope I have something that important someday. Kids or not.

The Woman I Will Never Be

For some women, they are defined by their relationships and the sort of man they are with. I suppose though, that this is true to most women as relationships tend to add the greater perception of who a person is. Does it all come back to labels – wife, mother, partner? I certainly hope not, but the lingering voice in the back of my head tells me it all comes back to semantics. Not the potato-potato (that joke falls flat in text doesn’t it?), but the real and important study of the historical and psychological meaning of words. And the words we use to describe each other, and ourselves, is certainly important.

My father defines himself by his career; it’s no surprise our entire family does. His mother defined herself as a “great nurse” rather than “single mother of two”. It makes sense my dad would define himself by what he did, though he often prides himself in being a “good dad”. My mother chose raising a family to be her priority, and so defines herself as “mother” and “wife”. Still growing at nearly thirty, I find myself falling into the labels of society – career woman, store mom, and the vast sea of terms for relationships. And yet, I know they don’t really describe who I am.

Any term to describe the fact that my career is important to me doesn’t begin to describe the sacrifices I’ve made in relationships or for relationships. It’s not that I’m a workaholic – I just like working with the people I work with. I don’t want to be the woman who does everything for the sake of her job, and yet being successful is certainly important to me. Excelling at my job is a big deal. And terms that describe a part in a relationship seem to shadow over the fact that I’m an individual. You can’t be a girlfriend without another person.

But there’s using words to define yourself and then there’s broadcasting it to the world. What I’m talking about is the shirts that read “I love my boyfriend”. I hate these shirts. Not because I’m single and I’m bitter, but because they just look stupid. Life should be about tossing the reigns of labels off, not adopting any that seem to fit.

But… you know, I might wear one with a pair of high heels and black lace panties.

Guilty Pleasures

We all have them, although some of them are less embarrassing than others. It’s what we’re ashamed to admit we like in fear of being mocked. Yeap, our guilty pleasures. Here are mine:

1. Lucky Magazine doesn’t write about politics, current affairs or even sexual positions. It’s not going to tell you how to wear the new styles of jeans, or how American Apparel markets itself. What it does, simply, is tell you what to buy. Well, sort of. It shows you where the best deals on current trends are. Normally I like intellectual reads – the Sunday Times, a good meaty novel or biography or a television show with depth. Lucky Magazine isn’t that; there’s little writing. It’s mostly pictures and small fonts of prices and locations. And yet, I love it. It helps me stay current with my looks and helps me stay easy on my wallet.

 2. Starbucks passion fruit iced tea isn’t coffee and there’s not a lot of caffeine in it. Normally I like a good, strong black tea, something along the lines of Earl Grey. But this summer, I fell in love with the fruity and refreashing iced tea. With a splash of apple juice, it’s delicious!

3. We all know I’m an open-source kinda girl, but there’s just something about my iTouch that I love. I’m loathe to admit it, but Apple’s products are just plain good. Okay, so you can’t hack it, or install linux on it like you can a PC product, but… well, there’s something friendly and comforting in the interface and anything I can use to play music, surf the web and download google maps is something I’m just going to love.

4. I like to play that low fuss, no drama sort of girl, but every so often I like to lean back and have someone rub my feet. I’m not afraid to pay for it either, so my fourth guilty pleasure is a pedicure. Yes, I know I could easily use my pedegg and buy some cheap nail polish, but it’s not the same as someone doing it for you.

5. There’s something about football and betting on it that appeals to me. I like to place money in the weekly pick em league my friends run. The best part of it is that I’m the girl who places high each week and doesn’t have her boyfriend make the pick. And it’s pretty cool to brag about coming in second when you’re wearing a miniskirt and heeled boots.

By the Numbers

I don’t talk about statistics, unless it’s about gun control or football. So when asked the inevitable question, I don’t answer it. No amount of puppy dog eyes or good natured prodding will produce the answer. It’s not that I’m ashamed of my number, but it’s just not something I like talking about with my partner. It’s obvious the question – how many partners have you slept with? And it’s not something that should be discussed.

One night, at a party, I sat next to a man a few years older than myself. He was debating whether or not to date a particular woman. She’d slept with twenty-five men. It was, he felt, a number that was just two high. Nevermind that his tally was close to five hundred. The one time I did say something to a partner, he immediately felt immasculated – he had slept with only two women total. My number was higher and I’m not sure if he felt he had to prove something or not, but the anxiety lead to imtimacy issues between us.

There is a double standard of sorts – my guy friends who have numbers in their twenties are considered studs. And yet a woman who is as “easy” gets a reputation. Man whores are thought of as belovedly amusing yet a woman who is a whore is just a whore. As far as we’ve come, we haven’t necessarily come far enough.

But it gets complicated as I approach thirty; the numbers scew. For all intents and purposes I’ve been dating for ten years. Some people my age have been dating longer, and when it comes to dating sex naturally pops up. It just happens. Two consenting adults meet each other, they hit it off and because it’s the modern age, sometimes they fuck. For the most part, society doesn’t disapprove. No matter the morality, couples tend to have sex before they get married and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. What if there’s just no sexual chemistry? Sorry, but sex is important. Don’t argue it. It just is. So if you’ve been dating for ten years, or more, then you’re bound to have kissed a few frogs. Or well, subsistute kiss for something else. (I only curse once a post kids.)

And then what about the friends with benefits situation? Singles tend to find other singles to feel good with together, even if there’s no romantic connection. This too has a direct effect on the number of people a given person has slept with. (Duh.) But it doesn’t make someone a whore, or undesirable. It just means they enjoyed sex but for some reason couldn’t or didn’t want to form an emotional connection with someone.

So by the numbers I’m a modern woman. And that’s okay. Because chances are, so are you.