All Things Ellie

It's like Sex and the Suburbs and 30 Rock all rolled into one…

Threesomes

It seems like a weekly ritual for me lately – I begin to dance to some pretty awesome karaoke cover of a pop song from the mid-80’s and something pretty awkward happens. They alternate, you see. One week, as I’m dancing, she begins to move closer and closer until we’re together on the dance floor. He joins in then, with the increadibly not subtle move, of pushing his crotch up against my rear end. Yeap, there I am dancing and suddenly his buldge is right against the crack of my butt. The next, he grabs me as I’m going to the bar for a drink, and begins to dance with me. At this point she tries to kiss me. And then they ask – do you want to come back to our place tonight for a threesome?

I was flattered for about a moment. You see, I’m not the kind of woman that gets hit on often. It’s not that I’m awkward (though my foot meets me mouth without coffee), it’s more that I’m surrounded by friends – some of who are mistaken for boyfriends – and because I’m pretty self-assured, not doing anything to invite attention. After they asked me, told me how lovely I was, I enjoyed the compliment for a moment.

But then the question still hung in the air. They were both quite attractive individuals, and they seemed fun if not forward. The answer was simply though that I had given up on threesome in my mid-twenties. The appeal had just worn off for me; I wasn’t interested in it anymore. It wasn’t a sharing issue; i don’t expect casual partners to be faithful to me. I share well.

The problem, for me, was that threesomes inevitably become two people having sex. I’m not interested in becoming the third wheel. A few years ago, I was sowing my wild oats, and took part in more than one. My partners were people I trusted, the closest of friends. The term “Besties” comes to mind easily. Things were great, until they began to have sexual intercourse and I was forgotten. I wondered into the kitchen, helped myself to some cashews, and watched television while they reached their climaxes. Another time, with another couple, he began to ignore her and I felt horribly awkward the next morning.

The best threesomes I’ve experienced are with four partners. That way when people pair off – which they do – everyone has someone. But then it’s not a threesome; it’s an orgy. And I’m over those too.

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This entry was posted on July 1, 2010 by in Uncategorized.
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