It's like Sex and the Suburbs and 30 Rock all rolled into one…
While enjoying coffee one day with a friend, she asked me where I met people. Men. To date. While my girl pal is happily married, she blogs about things to do and places to go about Albany. It was something only a single woman, a gal who must go out to meet nice boys, would know. I thought about it. You see, I do go out. I do meet people and make friends even if nothing pans out when it comes to dating. Being single isn’t hard when you’ve got the best group of friends in the Capital District. It’s not that I go out nightly, or that I’m on some sort of prowl, but you can’t get a date if no one knows who you are.
But I’ve been doing this for three years. And for three years there’s been very few false starts, and most nights I had a blast with my friends, but didn’t meet anyone. Someone suggested I needed to go to nicer bars and suggested several insanely pricey places in Saratoga. Another told me I dressed too conservative. Maybe my body language was too defensive and not open enough another proposed. There was either something wrong with me, or something wrong with the way I was going about things.
Turns out there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t where I was going; I’ve been going to the same places for years now. It wasn’t the type of guy I’m attracted to; no one wears a billboard with their great character flaws advertised on it. And it absolutely wasn’t my sense of style. (I’m pretty fashionable.) I lamented that I was attractive, intelligent, witty and most importantly fun to my friends and no one could really tell me why I was single. Maybe it was just Albany someone said flippantly. Except that women experience these same problems just about everywhere. It’s never them; it’s always the area – no nice men.
I just didn’t have the right mindset. Instead of going out to have fun, I was going out with the intention of meeting someone. So rather than letting loose and having a good time, I was uptight and awkwardly self-aware. Men can smell desperation; it’s not a nice scent. Simply letting the night take it’s natural progression, letting things flow to use a cliche, allowed for two things – having nights that go down in history books with my friends and being the girl who is leading the charge that people want to get behind. Rather than trying to be cool to impress people, just having fun makes others want to join your party.
And so I told my dear friend that the only place to meet people is in the right state of mind. It’s not a club, a bar, or even a social scene. It’s a healthy and fun mentality. People will want to share your life with you if you’re living a life worth sharing.