It's like Sex and the Suburbs and 30 Rock all rolled into one…
It’s no secret that I often ponder the relationships between men and women, boys and girls, people who could potentially be sexual partners. Sex seems so integral to the dating scene, men and women going to bars and events with the hope that they can bring someone home. Perhaps I’m missing something, but it seems sometimes that it’s all about finding someone, bringing them home, and then having them fuck your brains out and less about meeting interesting people that could be rewarding personal relationships, even without any romantic flings. Yes, I know; I’m guilty of this sometimes too. However I’m still confident that men and women can be friends without sexual attraction, without trying to pick each other up, and without the ever present awkwardness of negotiating the terms of intercourse as friends or more than.
I relate well to men; we like the same things and have the same interests. It doesn’t hurt that I am a wikipedia about football, sci-fi and history in a shapely and well-dressed package. I’m not trying to be immodest; I know many women in the same position I am. We relate to masculine interests, enjoy hobbies that are typically enjoyed by men, and yet look fabulous in slinky tight dresses and heels. And trust me, there are plenty of men out there entirely interested in what I think about T.O on the Bangles but not at all in going to bed with me. (It seems as if lately this nearly entirely sums up every man I meet.) Here’s the thing: I’m living proof that men and women can be the best of friends without going to bed together. Yes, I’m sure you all remember a post from a few weeks ago about my shock and dismay that people thought me and a close friend was a couple.
But to further elaborate on it, it’s automatically assumed that when a girl brings a guy back to his house because he might have had far too much to drink, she’s slept with him. And more often than not, in my case at least, that just doesn’t happen. I get them back to where they need to be and then leave. Especially when both parties are honest about just not wanting to have sex because they just went through some rocky stuff. Especially when one party has had way too much to drink and isn’t making smart decisions and just generally needs to be laying down and asleep. But it’s the assumption of others that’s bothersome – Men and women can do things that do not revolve around sex.
The really bothersome part of this is that men, for the most part, are entirely comfortable with the male- female non-sexual relationship. Women aren’t. Leave a party with a guy friend and chances are none of the guys get upset or feel as if you’re going to have sex with their brosef. Women on the other hand just assume that a man and a woman leaving a party will obviously lead to sex and further more, they are upset that you left with a potential partner or envious that you’re going to have sex. Which in my case most of the time isn’t going to happen. It might be because as competitive as men are in most everything else, they tend not to view dating as a full-contact sport. Women will compete for a man’s attention. They’ll do outlandish things. It’s not that they will make a fool of themselves, but they will certainly be a little crazy. I know, I’ve been there. Let’s be honest, we all have.
And yet how is it that the male species, the one notoriously stereotyped as sex-crazed hound dogs, are the ones entirely comfortable with a non-sexual relationship between the genders? Perhaps its because we women, thanks of course to Samantha, now fuck as men do, or perhaps once did. We go on the prowl, we pursue men, we are now sexually aggressive. Perhaps women are just biologically hardwired to be territorial over perspective partners; maybe we haven’t escaped a million years of sexual evolution. Or maybe guys don’t let onto their female friends how it really works. Maybe there’s a secret society of petty male sexual bullshit they just don’t share with the girls they call friend. The fact of the matter is that nothing happens sometimes other than a girl gives a drunk guy a ride home to make sure he gets there okay.