All Things Ellie

It's like Sex and the Suburbs and 30 Rock all rolled into one…

Unforgivable Dating Sins

There’s been a good amount of talk about forgiveness in relationships lately, as illustrated by this and this. And for the most part, the lists are about fairly trivial matters, like leaving the toilet seat up or being finicky about clothing. I don’t see these things as necessarily things to be forgiven and more as things to be gotten over. No one is perfect, no partner without flaws and faults. Getting all riled up over the fact that your partner from time to time might get caught up in traffic and forget to text is somewhat foolish. It’s insecure. But there are a few things that are unforgivable.

Cheating. Okay, well not really. I firmly believe that if both partners want it, straying can be forgiven and worked through. How many public figures have dabbled while their wives (or husbands) remain ever faithful and ever at their side? Sometimes when a partner fucks someone else, its a wake-up call for both parties to acknowledge what they are both doing wrong in a relationship. It’s not so much the cheating, but in actuality, the betrayal of trust. The sort of intimacy that any functional romantic relationship requires is built upon a good amount of trust, which takes time and effort to build. And banging a pretty girl after a night of drinking while your wife is home asleep destroys that trust. So does lying about paying the bills, or any life changing decision. Relationships without trust fail, every single time. There was a study that I had heard once – for every negative interaction, you need three positive ones to feel at ease with a person again. (I can’t source this, sorry. It was something I once heard in a class.) Same goes with relationships; time is needed to build the trust lost.

Insensitivity. No, I’m not talking about your boyfriend’s lack of interest in how it was so very hard to find a pair of perfect red pumps. What I’m talking about is the needed emotional support to get you through the rough stuff. I had a friend once who thought it perfectly normal her partner of five years didn’t bother to show up to her grandmother’s wake. It wasn’t as if he had never met the deceased; he’d been to family functions many times a year. And yet not one attempt to pay respects or show support to his girlfriend. That’s the sort of sensitivity I’m talk about, the kind when the chips are really down, you’re partner is there for you.

And last but not least, disrespect. And that is pretty much self-explanatory.

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This entry was posted on September 1, 2010 by in Uncategorized.
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