All Things Ellie

It's like Sex and the Suburbs and 30 Rock all rolled into one…

Cleavage, and Denim Panties

I’m not getting old, that’s not it. Even at the age of “almost thirty”, I have more energy and do more things than people ten years younger than me. Rooftop parties are old hats; I can rage with the best of them. It’s just that as I get older, there’s a lot of things I just simply shake my head at and remain puzzled. Mostly, oddly enough, it comes from the way young kids dress. I just don’t get it. (And believe me, I wear some pretty fashion forward stuff!) Perhaps it’s a matter of modesty.

The other day, while walking to grab a coffee in the mall, my eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. There was a girl, maybe nineteen or twenty, in the most silly outfit I have ever seen. Beneath her loose and lace tank was a red bra. Her pants weren’t pants at all – they were what I can only call denim panties. They were so tight and short that I’m pretty sure, had I had the right angle, I could see all sorts of things no one outside of the bedroom should see. Don’t get me started about the girl in the white leggings and off the shoulder crop top I had seen mere days earlier. It’s not so much that they were poor and therefore couldn’t dress well; the lace shirt was certainly a new item I had seen in another store. It was more that they didn’t know how to dress well, and no one had taken the time to show them that you can dress sexy and not look like a street walker.

I’m not saying dress like a nun. I’m not saying dress in boxy, oversized and unattractive “Grandma” clothing. I’m saying there should be an appropriate skin to clothing ratio, and I think that split should be at least 30-70. Obviously there are places were bare shoulders, too much cleavage and short shorts are completely and totally unacceptable – churches, temples, the office… And obviously if you’re at the beach, you should be rocking a sweet bathing suit.

Let me clue any young girls in on a secret: Guys have imaginations. They like to have to figure some things out. So if you’re dressing provocatively to catch the attention of a guy, you are doing it somewhat wrong.

Here are my rules for dressing a little edgy:

1. I do like to show off what I’ve got on top. The first reason is that I simply look stupid in crew-neck shorts. The second is because I have broad hips and I like to draw attention away from them and more towards my small waist and long neck. I like a deep vee. I enjoy a scoop neck. But it’s really about how it’s done. There’s nothing sexier than a white blouse unbuttoned maybe one too low, but I certainly pair it with a pair of dark, well fitted pants and one of my boyfriend blazers. Typically if I wear a low cut blouse or dress, I make sure it’s not overly tight and revealing. Furthermore, I wear the appropriate bra so there are no braw straps showing.

2. I will wear a short skirt. I might have white, unsunkissed legs, but I own it. The thing is, if I wear my short skirts, I nearly always wear either a conservative ballet flat, or a pair of casual boots. Typically, I pair the tighter shorter skirts with more conservative shirts and a longer cardigan or jacket. I keep the skirts in neutrals – black, dark grey, navy…

3. I like the trend of the burn-out tees and other sheer, lace blouses. But I always wear a cami under them. No one wants to see your bra.

4. Any shorts that are worn should over the cup of the butt and definitely the entire crotch region. And if you wear leggings as pants, they should be opaque and the shirt should over the same critical regions. For the love of god, please.

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3 comments on “Cleavage, and Denim Panties

  1. cuteellaisbold
    September 2, 2010

    You missed the “dancers” at the Side Door the other night…they could have really learned a lot from this post!

    Another word of caution, if one has to maintain the bikini line (and I’m not talking the stray ones possibly on the inside of ones legs, I’m talking BIKINI line) then the shorts are too short…and should NOT be paired with platform heals. In my opinion for what it’s worth.

  2. Natalie
    September 4, 2010

    Side boob and ass cheeks are not to be a part of a daily wardrobe.

    • Ellsbells
      September 6, 2010

      Well now you’ve just ruined hipster fashion as side boob is a critical component.

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This entry was posted on September 2, 2010 by in Uncategorized.
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