All Things Ellie

It's like Sex and the Suburbs and 30 Rock all rolled into one…

What’s in a Name?

A few months ago my dear friend Miss Em was in a quandary – should she hook up with a hottie? Normally, the answer would be a resounding YES in all caps and italicized. Miss Em is the best sort of single woman, the kind that never feels down about herself and always is ready and willing to meet new people. She has a good time and helps everyone else have one too. Yeap, she’s living that life that people want to join in. However, she found herself wondering if it were okay to do so.

She’d been seeing a guy. They hadn’t had any sort of talk and they were definitely not facebook official, but she wasn’t sure if it was okay to have sex, however great it was going to be, with another guy. They’d been on a few dates, and she’d spent the weekend at the summer home with him playing couple and fooling around. Due to the modern technology of cellphones, they texted throughout the day. All of this brought a feeling of closeness, of coupledom, of exclusive right when she wasn’t sure there was right to be. And the other guy, well, I am told he was rock star hot. We pondered the logistics of this over coffee one rainy afternoon and decided that she should keep her panties on. Even though the conversation hadn’t happened yet, it was soon to occur. We decided that if you had to ask if it were okay, really ponder the ethical and moral implications, than it probably wasn’t.

But the thing was there were no clear labels, no definition. If words give us meaning, then doesn’t that meaning have power over our thoughts and actions? Having sex with another man other than your partner is not okay in monogamous relationships while doing so with a guy other than the person you are merely fucking is. The words express our intent and our innermost thoughts. “Partner” might be used to conceal a same sex relationship, while husband or wife express something entirely different. The semantics of a relationship can be a very important thing.When a good friend had to move away for business for a a few months, the semantics of his relationship with his girlfriend were key. She became his fiance, and that meant that he was devoted to her and she to him and they both agreed to make a life together. That meant neither of them could dabble with others. The same goes in reverse, a change from “girlfriend” to “friend” implies an entirely different set of rules. Girlfriends must be faithful; friends can fuck other people, even if its a friendship with benefits.

But then it all boils down to good communication, which I suppose is essential to any relationship. So after my friend turned down sex, she went to her beau and they had the talk. And both came away satisfied they knew what was expected and how they felt about each other. I can’t tell you when to have the conversation, it’s different for all relationships, but it’s something that should be had. Avoiding moral issues makes life less stressful.

2 comments on “What’s in a Name?

  1. Kevin Marshall
    September 8, 2010

    Words are overrated. It’s intent that matters. Always, always, always.

    My short answer to her (which really was your answer as well) would be that if you have to ask if it’s okay to do, then it’s probably not (if you want to keep the dude, that is).

  2. cuteellaisbold
    September 9, 2010

    I’m with Kevin on this one…if she thought there was cause to ask, then she shouldn’t do it.

    I also like to go with the idea that if you’d be upset if someone did that to you, don’t do it to them.

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This entry was posted on September 8, 2010 by in Uncategorized.
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