It's like Sex and the Suburbs and 30 Rock all rolled into one…
While sitting in a coffee shop chugging sugar cookie iced coffee, I glanced over to the table next to me just to see what was going on. Four women sat around bowls of what must have been yummy soup and iced coffee drinks, chatting about their kids who went off to college. Each represented their own Sex and the City Mom persona. There was the woman with the great silver bob, dressed in elegant black slacks, a fushia cardigan and black diabetic socks. There was the younger mom, blonde hair messily pulled back into a pony tail proudly rocking out the NYU hoodie. Another wore a boiled wool sweater and looked like something straight out of a J Jill catalogue. But what they had in common was that they all sent kids off to school and they weren’t totally sure what exactly they should do with themselves.
My mom went through this too. She got a tattoo with my sister to try and figure things out. For so long, my mother – and these mothers too – dedicated their time to their children. But you know what? She was a fabulous mom. Like, the best. I know she drives me nuts, and she might be irrational about caring for her daughters, but my mom was one of the best parents of all time. The reason why: she was completely and totally dedicated to her children. Parenting wasn’t a calling or a full time job; it was two full time jobs, a passion and a lifestyle all rolled into one.
At nearly thirty, my doctor points to his watch every yearly check up. It’s true: after thirty things start to go wrong when you try to have kids. So I get it. I also feel no pressure to drop a squat and start popping kids out. And maybe that’s because just recently I started identifying as an adult, started making the sacrifices and choices adults make. Or maybe that’s because I want to be further along with my career. Or perhaps because I believe that child raising demands two parents and I just am not there yet.
You see, I’ve never been one of those women with five and ten year plans. I’d much rather enjoy the ride and see what happens. That isn’t to say I don’t have goals or desires. I’d love to rise through the ranks, and have that great relationship. These are things I work for daily. And yet a part of me would love to have a few kids and a gigantic non-working farm. (Well, all of me wants a farm.) You see, there are two dreams. The first is to have the great career in which I command staff daily and make a big difference. The second is I get to work from home writing and doing the things I’d like to do anyway, like having a vegetable garden and chickens.
And yet for as much as I say I am unconcerned with having children, the stories those mothers were telling were important to them. And I sort of hope I have something that important someday. Kids or not.